Nearly 7 years ago I completed the San Diego Rock N Roll Marathon. Yep… 26.2 miles in a mere 6 hours 32 minutes… Of course my tongue is firmly planted in my cheek – that’s a long time for a marathon and I was near the last of the people to finish. But I DID finish. It made me crazy, though, when spectators tried to cheer me up by shouting “You’re almost there!” when I was at mile 17, or 20, 0r 25.7…. even half a mile is a long way when you can’t see the finish line.
So here I am… two weeks and one day out from my last chemo treatment, and my fan club is telling me “You’re almost there!”. Seriously, I DO appreciate the intent to encourage and celebrate. But I am not ready to celebrate until I am DONE. I’ve been through weeks of treatment, and fatigue, and not feeling good, and weirdness, BUT I still have 3 more treatments, and I’m tired. And that tiredness will not magically disappear on April 29th. It’s going to take some time yet, sigh.
I’m tired of being tired!! I know, mentally, that the end is near. I know I only have about a mile to go. But when my feet hurt** and my hands itch and I’m tired day in and day out, it feels like “normal” is a loooong way off still.
(**side note about these feet… over the last week the soles of my feet have started getting numb and tingly – especially later in the day (apparently this is another not-uncommon side-effect of Taxol). This, combined with a Taxol rash that makes them itchy, is really really really annoying!)
So here’s my plan… I will take it one day/hour/minute/step at a time. I probably won’t be running on this last mile, or even slogging (slog = slow jog). I’ll walk. Slowly. But I will get there. I will finish. And I will feel better. It will just take time. You can cheer me on with “you can DO this” “keep on truckin'” “looking good” – But please no more “you’re almost there” – because I won’t feel like I’m almost there until I’m stepping over the finish line.